My photography is being featured in the local news paper. Thats pretty sweet, yes? I'm incredibly complimented, and I'm also incredibly excited.

I'm also in the musical, Beauty and the Beast. Insanely fun. Rehearsal starts tonight.

There might be more theatre success coming from Bang Bang You're Dead, but thats presumptuous, nothing is official.

School is going great, aside from the insane amount of homework. I love classes, even with all its faults.

I've dropped some weight and have gotten my heart rate to an okay level.

Possible love interests are stepping up left and right...

I have a lot of things to be happy about...


But I'm still drowning in my own self pity and sorrow, and its driving me crazy. If I were my friend, I would seriously break my legs for being such a puss...

And when I say drowning, I honestly mean it feels like it. Like, the heart ache gets so bad, its like a substance filling up my lungs and I cant breathe. People call that anxiety. When I dont feel that, I just feel so depressed, I'm numb.

I really loved him. I really, really did. And I still do. If I were outside looking in, I would smack myself. How could I love someone who broke my heart so severely? How could I love someone who... Nevermind.
Hate the sin, love the sinner.

I will always love him. I meant it when I said it the first time, to him. I will forever keep a piece of him in my heart. I accept that we're not together, and that he will never come back to me... I accept that I cannot control his feelings, and I accept that he thinks he's in love with someone else, I accept that he could think that the rest of his life. I accept that the man I fell in love with died, and somebody else resides within him. Now all thats left to do is let go.

This pain is interfering with my dreams every single night, its getting in the way of going places through out the day, its stopping me from enjoying my incredible successes and my incredible friends. Its also taken away all artistic inspiration.
The only way it can change is if I can let go. And I'm almost there. I'm almost ready. I just feel like I need to hang on a little longer. I'm not ready to give up that last photo, and I'm not ready to throw away those last few memories. He was so flawed but he was my world. So forgive me for being a little sentimental. I'm just really bad at goodbyes.

The boy who couldnt see purple cant see me either. He only sees her. But thats okay. So long as he's happy, and so long as I will be. Its okay that I'm hurting right now. If I've learned anything from this, its that nothing lasts forever.